Having too much choice could be said to be a modern dilemma, one which is exacerbated by the breaking down of the traditional social codes around dating.
Too much choice can be really destabilising, as settling down with one person feels impossible – how can one be sure that the choice made is the right one? Could ‘true love’ be just around the corner? Who else should you consider? Should you seek out new partners in case something better, brighter, more fulfilling is attainable?
It is easy to see how this self doubt arises – in the past it was not common practice to date several people at a time and more consideration was given to compatibility, before embarking on romantic relationships. In today’s world, where everything has speeded up and now, rather than later, is the time we want everything, the tendency is to rush into relationships with little information upon which to judge your suitability for each other and assess the likelihood that the two of you are compatible in the long term.
This rush is fuelled by anxiety: if you convince yourself that the potential for better things could lie elsewhere, you’ll be unable to develop your current relationship in any meaningful way and naturally enough, you will feel unhappy. On the other hand, if you believe in yourself, you’ll keep in mind what attracted you initially to the person you are dating and put in the hard work necessary to grow the trust, regard and intimacy you both crave.
Multiple dating is a guarantee of ultimate dissatisfaction: it is without any set purpose and has the potential to be never ending.
Many daters lack the ability to choose well, or fail to understand that they are allowing their expectations and scattergun approach to hamper them – this is borne out by their bewilderment at a continuous lack of success. In fact, what they actually lack is the courage to follow their hearts. It can feel daunting to focus on one person, but that’s what it takes to find true and lasting romantic happiness.
Advice from dating professionals can help you discover what will make you happy. It may surprise you too – these specialists know a thing or two about how to make your dreams come true. However, you might not like what they have to say, especially where it conflicts with your long held beliefs about who is right for you. But then, right now, you are still single……
Karen X
