Now is the time to realign your expectations and your approach to dating. Ditching the behaviours and thoughts that are holding you back will open up new options for you to explore. Follow your instincts from there – you’re already on the right road to true happiness.
To position yourself better, I recommend the following:
1 Be Ready to Take Things at Face Value
When you’re in the early stages of getting to know someone in whom you have a romantic interest, you’ll be happier if you take everything as it comes, which means less trying to interpret what your date means by what they say or do and more staying in the moment and enjoying the ride. Overthinking is your enemy!
2 Don’t Attempt to Change Anyone Else
The only person you can change is yourself and you should only do this if you feel it will add to your happiness. Your date is an individual, just like you, so accept them as they are. Acceptance encourages the same in return. Bear in mind too that if you are not too bothered by your date’s foibles, that’s a good sign. No-one is a perfect fit for anyone else, but the capacity to bear with someone’s little eccentricities suggests that you might be a good match.
3 Look for Shared Values
These are the key – if you share at least some of the same values, for example around money and starting a family, travelling or owning pets, it will be so much easier to move towards a shared future.
4 Stay True to Yourself
Watch out for changes in how you act and feel with your new date – if you are behaving in a way that is not ‘you’, it could be that you are allowing your date’s needs and opinions to dominate. This is never, ever, healthy. It’s natural to want to appear more appealing to your date, but you can’t be anyone other than who you genuinely are for more than six months (consider how many relationships you can recall, that broke down around this point…..), it won’t make you happy and will ultimately undermine you. By being yourself and allowing your date to be the same, you will build respect and trust. Without these your relationship has no future.
Stay optimistic, true to yourself and above all stay safe!
Angela Wheatley Senior Consultant Sara Eden
