Many daters fear losing their sense of self when they are in a relationship and if they see signs that is happening can give up too quickly. Some people, who have already experienced this, shy away from dating altogether for fear of doing so.
Healthy relationships rely on both parties continuing to operate as individuals, while coming together over their shared values, goals and their passion for each other. Love is expressed through the selfless desire to see each other happy and fulfilled, to which you are both committed.
If, however this is not how you relate to each other, over time you may experience a sense of isolation and heightened anxiety, which will change the dynamics of the relationship and prevent you from playing an equal part.
Do you recognise yourself in any of the statements below?
- You are deferring to your partner’s wishes and feeling increasingly unheard and unappreciated.
- You are asked to justify actions that you do take, such as buying something new for the home, there is open disapproval of the amount spent and/or of your choices.
- You are worried that your partner will leave you if you do not agree with them and there are no opportunities to discuss this.
- You focus on their needs to the detriment of your own.
- You do less on your own, with friends or family and have no ‘Me’ time.
- You have given up some of the interests you used to have. You have lost the confidence to pursue new and different ones that your partner does not share.
- You say ‘We’ more often than you say ‘I’.
Patterns such as these take time to develop and you may not notice them at first, as all partnerships require compromise. If you sense a lack of balance in yours, that results in you feeling undermined and deprived of a voice, there are steps you can take.
More next time, on how to regain your sense of self.
