I recently discovered how long it takes to form a friendship on average and I was surprised.
40-80 hours for an acquaintance
80 – 100 hours for a casual friendship
200+ hours for a close friendship
Wow – who knew?
Friendship is defined as caring for another for the sake of that person and not for yourself, which, if the friendship is genuine, will be reciprocated. That is where the pleasure lies: when you are in the company of that friend you both get pleasure and reinforcement simply from being together. There is trust as well, which is important, because close friends share fears, wishes and emotions.
What about romantic relationships?
Romantic love has a physical aspect that is not part of friendship. We are prey to our reactions to three hormones:
1 Dopamine – this reinforces feelings of pleasure when you first meet (butterflies in the stomach anyone?)
2 Oxytocin – this is all about attachment and bonding with your partner and is amplified by touch.
3 Serotonin – this releases when you feel admiration for your potential partner. It can apply to their looks, job, or any other status attribute, such as special knowledge, musical or athletic prowess and much more besides. Nature has hard wired us to bond with the best partner we can find, so that if we reproduce, our offspring will have natural advantage.
Usually these hormones, which are present in the early stages, will appear over time, but if you are hit with all three at once, that is love at first sight. Even though we all aspire to this, it is in fact rare and be warned because these hormones do not keep on releasing their magic. Even those who fall fast still have to work at their partnerships! The vast majority of us will experience a slower burn, which in itself can be delicious: trust and emotional intimacy will be building alongside those physical and chemical sensations and can be a great start to a long-lasting love.
Romantic love and friendship have differences and similarities, but both require you to care for and accept each other as you are.
There is no benefit in rushing. You cannot make someone else fall at the pace you do, so, however you feel, enjoy the ride and allow things to develop naturally. Just as you would in a friendship.
