I am forever surprised at just how many intelligent people keep making the same dating mistakes time after time. If your ex was a disaster surely, you would steer clear from anyone who reminded you of them. Perhaps your ex was possessive, jealous, and overly controlling so you ended the relationship.
If you can relate to this, don’t beat yourself up just beware of it and take control as it is actually your subconscious taking over. Maybe you had a parent who was possessive, jealous, and overly controlling. We all have traits we keep following in relationships and some of them are not a problem. If you are always attracted to people who have dark hair, are older than you and run to keep fit that’s fine. But if you go for partners who make the relationship a toxic one then that is a problem.
I know changing your dating behaviours is not easy, I certainly am not going to pretend it is, but the important thing is to recognise the pattern and then try to understand why you do this, and then break it.
For some people this can be quite easy once they have identified the problem, but for others it’s hard. Sometimes you have to do a lot of work building your own confidence to break the mould.
But if you want a happy, long-term relationship that makes both you feel fulfilled there is no other way but to break the habit. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.
So be strong, be self-aware and look to your long-term happiness.
Karen
