In a nutshell, mindful dating is where you listen actively, don’t let your mind wander or jump to conclusions too early. It’s dating with pauses…for time to work out what is happening. Sounds old fashioned but it is definitely worth trying if your current approach is not making you happy.
Unlike the ghoster, who will drop you by disappearing out of your life, the mindful dater will be mature enough to help you understand why the relationship is over – how’s that for novel? That’s staying present and being considerate of someone else’s feelings.
Take that first date and bearing in mind you never get a second chance to make a first impression, getting your look right, so you aren’t under or over dressed is a tough one! The venue for the date and the personal style of the other party are your top clues. Mindful daters allow time to consider these factors. If it’s to be smart casual, for instance, it must be clean and up to date, or clearly vintage – whatever is selected it will be sending a message, so how much better is it going to be if it signals consideration, attention and respect for the person you are meeting?
Pretty much everyone who dates has nerves, at least on those first few occasions. You’re sussing each other out, so things can sometimes be slightly strained….mindful daters listen and watch closely for clues to how the other person is feeling. Keeping things light is wise if there is any tension and remember if you make a mistake you haven’t blown it, but only if you own it! Honesty and self awareness are definite winners. If you can make all or any of this funny, even better.
Dating gets expensive, right? Putting that to one side, ask yourself if you are having a good time but equally, what impression you want the person you are with to take away. It’s legal to go 50/50 on that bill, but it’s so much better to offer to pay, because you’re showing generousity. The real gentleman pays the bill discreetly, away from where he is sitting. The real lady thanks him and says she’ll pay next time!
