Love – the true kind, is not something you can control. It can’t be bought, demanded or defined. At times it can feel pernicious, such as when it’s withdrawn. It’s a fact that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make someone love you, no matter how hard you try. Love is a force of nature and as such heeds no bidding – it feels mercurial and unjust when it is denied you and causes pain almost beyond bearing.
If this resonates with you, whilst anger, maybe even revenge might be uppermost in your mind right now, the better course of action is to save yourself.
Firstly, take a closer look – how did this lost love affect you – did you lose sight of yourself perchance? Do you feel less sure about anything? Focus on these feelings, mourn your losses and forgive yourself.
Secondly, drained of hope and exhausted, accept that change is here to stay (for the moment) and with it the discomfort of experiencing what’s outside your comfort zone, but you will survive! Do not give in to despair: change equals growth.
Thirdly, focus on what makes you feel good – that could be working, seeing friends, walking, swimming or anything that helps. Be mindful of the fact that you make all the decisions from now on. You are free to do what you want, when you want. How delicious is that?
Fourthly, as you start to heal, embrace the things that scare you, but definitely not all at once! Take comfort from the fact that this will promote the return of your confidence. Give your time and lots of your attention to this part.
When you’re ready, the love you have given yourself will attract new love. This time you’ll be stronger and wiser, able to look back and realise that you had a lucky escape after all.
Karen X
